i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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