Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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