How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
