this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
