the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
