Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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