You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm sobbing to NWA
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
