is your mom at the bar?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
