i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
