Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
