Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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