i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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