You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
