I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
