Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
