alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
