So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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