Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
