my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
