why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize