Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
be right there i have to get my cape
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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