my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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