Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just pee around me
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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