Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
