Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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