Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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