i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
