Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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