Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
dude i'm inner monologue high
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize