Someone shit on the floor
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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