These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
