I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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