I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
