The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
