im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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