If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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