I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize