thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
