Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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