I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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