Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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