Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize