The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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