I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize