Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
