saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
