Whats the glycemic index on semen?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize