I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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