its not stalking. its research.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
