I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
