Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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