That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
