I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
