I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
