i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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