hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
