so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
