your parents love me but you hate me
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
