CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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