I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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