I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
