I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
