All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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