why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
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