Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
